bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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