anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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