Ambien. No doubt about it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize