yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
