My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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