***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're too hungover to prance.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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