I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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