Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
