she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
