thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize