You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
