I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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