i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
