i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
