I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
