i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
