I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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