you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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