There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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