he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
