When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
