youre lurking in front of me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
