This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
