Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
