Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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