Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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