He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize