Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
