You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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