just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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