Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
