We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
