Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
