My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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