So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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