Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
