i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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