I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
