cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
