Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
