Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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