He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
