Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
