this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
