he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
