If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
