How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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