I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
