a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
