Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
