does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
