well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
