is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have tasted many bathrooms
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
