batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
