I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ttyl tear gas
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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