this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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