I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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