If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
