The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
