I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
