my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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