Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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