They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize