I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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