I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
