shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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