I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
