I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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