apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
