remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
