I CAN MOONWALK!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
