I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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