I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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