Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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