I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
