whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm at about main and main street
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
