i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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