I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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