3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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