is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
