I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
