I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
