"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
