It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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