if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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