i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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