Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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