you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
